


heaven and hell were words to me

by othiara



Series: i'll crawl home to her [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 3x07 Fix It, Alternate Universe - Lexa Doesn't Die, F/F, FIx It, Fix-It, lexa doesn't die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 13:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6471898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/othiara/pseuds/othiara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm staying," Clarke says, firm and final.</p>
<p>Lexa cannot stop her. Truth be told, she doesn't want to. "Okay. But you cannot stop this."</p>
<p>Clarke takes a deep breath. "I don't accept that," she says, barely above a whisper.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>The chip is in the Flamekeeper's neck instead of the commander's, and things are different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heaven and hell were words to me

**Author's Note:**

> this is in a series with the rest of my "lexa doesn't die" au's, but you definitely don't have to read those before reading this
> 
> this title and all the titles in this series come from "work song" by hozier
> 
> enjoy!

"The past commanders have sent me a warning, Lexa! Do you truly mean to ignore it?" Titus spits the words like venom. This has been his rhetoric ever since she declared that blood must not have blood.

 

"Yes. They don't know everything. My relationship with Clarke does not interfere with my duties or my actions as  _ Heda. _ "

 

"They say otherwise. They say it will surely mean the end of your time as commander, and we both know there is only one way to stop being commander." He pauses, then adds, "And you cannot argue that she has not convinced you to go against our ways."

 

Lexa almost growls. "Those were my words, my choices, born of my desire for peace. They have nothing to do with Clarke, even if they benefit her."

 

"Are you truly saying that this new law against seeking justice has nothing to do with sparing Clarke's feelings about attacking her people?"

 

"The law is not against justice. It is against revenge. There is a difference. And no, it doesn't. This is something I have believed in for a long while."

 

He is incensed. She supposes he is not used to a commander ignoring his advice. "This is something that will get us killed. Can't you see that? If you could only separate your feelings from your duty - "

 

The disrespect goes too far this time. He is  _ wrong. _ "I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!" she yells, seethingly angry. "The Ice Queen cut off Costia's head, and still I let her into my coalition!"

 

"Your feelings for Costia put both of you in danger. Your feelings for Clarke do the same. Do you really intend to let Clarke fall to a similar fate?"

 

It's a threat, plain as day, and it hangs there in the space between them. Lexa makes eye contact and speaks quietly but with steel, so that she knows she is understood. "Any harm you bring to Clarke, I will inflict again on you."

 

He smiles smugly. "Of course. That is our way.  _ Jus drein jus daun. _ "

 

.:.

 

Clarke traces a light hand over Lexa's back tattoo. "What does this one mean?"

 

This moment is peaceful and gentle and genuine. Clarke wishes she could stay longer, wishes this moment could last forever.

 

Lexa lets out a tiny huff of breath. "A circle for each of the nightbloods who died in my Conclave."

 

Clarke frowns. "Why did they die?"

 

"They attempted to connect with the spirit, and it rejected them." She shrugs, shifting slightly. "It is not an easy process."

 

"Wait, so how does the spirit work?"

 

"The Flamekeeper contains the spirit and receives the council of all the previous commanders. During the Conclave, the consciousnesses of all the potential commanders are downloaded. It will only take one." Lexa turns onto her back so that Clarke can no longer see the tattoo. "Now can we talk about something else?"

 

Clarke smiles. "We don't have to talk at all."

 

.:.

 

Lexa is alarmed to hear the unmistakable sound of gunshots as she finishes dressing. They were coming from Clarke's direction. Remembering Titus's threat, she runs to the source of the sound.

 

She finds Clarke in clear distress and running toward the door. Luckily, she is not injured. Lexa quickly and clearly places herself between Clarke and Titus in his line of fire. "Stop this, Titus," she commands.

 

" _ Heda, _ I am only doing what must be done. What you refuse to do," he snarls.

 

"No! Put the gun on the ground."

 

He doesn't, but his arm does go limp, pointing the gun away from Lexa. "I won't. I must finish this." Clarke starts to inch toward the door, and he immediately raises it again, raining out bullets to punctuate his sentence. Lexa jumps between them again as quickly as she can, but luckily, none of the bullets finds its mark.

 

"You'll have to go through me then," Lexa snarls.

 

Clarke raises a voice of alarm at that. "Lexa, no!"

 

"Clarke," Lexa says, her eyes never leaving Titus's, "run when I tell you to."

 

"I'm not leaving you here."

 

"He won't hurt me. I can't be worrying about you right now, Clarke. Please."

 

"Fine," Clarke says reluctantly.

 

Lexa isn't sure what she's going to do. She just has to get the gun away from Titus. Clarke is leaving for Arkadia in only a moment, and if this becomes a problem again in the future, she can deal with it then. "Okay. Run!"

 

Clarke takes off. Lexa attempts to keep herself between Clarke and Titus as she pounces at Titus. She must be more or less successful, because none of Titus's shots hit them. She grabs his arms and tries to pry the gun from his fingers. He's stubborn, and his grip is good, so he manages to keep ahold of it. Lexa begins trying to twist it out of his hand, and that's when it goes off again with a single solid boom.

 

Clarke runs into the room immediately, yelling, "Lexa!" But the blood on the ground is red. It isn't hers.

 

Titus chokes on his own blood. Lexa doubts he has a full minute left to live. She stands shakily, surveying her work. This isn't what she wanted.

 

Clarke approaches. "It was him or you. There was nothing you could have done."

 

She's wrong. Lexa doesn't say that. "It was worth it," she says, "to protect you."

 

"Okay," Clarke says, sounding like she's trying to calm herself as much as Lexa. "It's okay, Lexa. We're fine." Lexa sighs minutely. Clarke doesn't understand what this means yet, but she will.

 

"I have to turn myself in," Lexa says quietly. "You will be fine. The next commander will protect you."

 

Clarke frowns. "Lexa, you don't have to die. What's going on? You're scaring me."

 

The last remnants of life leave Titus's eyes. Lexa turns to meet Clarke's gaze. "When the Flamekeeper dies, it's the commander's fault for not protecting them, so a new commander is chosen." Clarke's eyes widen, and she shakes her head. "Clarke. It's alright. I have to do this."

 

"No, you don't." Lexa doesn't want to do this to Clarke, but one day she will understand. As many of her people's laws as she's spurned recently, she can't spurn this one. She owes it to Titus. She moves toward the door. Clarke grabs her arm. "Don't do this. Please."

 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." Lexa pulls her arm away. "You should find Octavia."

 

"No. No. I'm not leaving you to die."

 

"I will die whether you are here or not. You do not need to watch." Lexa wants nothing more than to reach out to Clarke, to tell her it will be alright, but she doubts it would help.

 

"I'm staying," Clarke says, firm and final.

 

Lexa cannot stop her. Truth be told, she doesn't want to. "Okay. But you cannot stop this."

 

Clarke takes a deep breath. "I don't accept that," she says, barely above a whisper.

 

Lexa can see the watery beginnings of tears in her eyes. She holds her head high and walks out to confess her crime. Clarke doesn't stop her this time.

 

.:.

 

Clarke sighs and closes her eyes for a second, willing herself to get her emotions under control. Then she turns around and looks at Murphy, who's been sitting there very quietly for this whole ordeal.

 

She makes quick work of his restraints, starting with the one around his mouth. "Does anyone else know you're here?"

 

"Other than our bald psycho friend? Nah. Well, except your girlfriend now, I guess."

 

"She won't tell anyone." Clarke finishes off the last of the ties. "Come on, I don't think we have much time."

 

He stands, wavering on his feet only slightly. "Better get moving then. Where exactly are we going?"

 

"My room. It's not far."

 

"Right. Alternatively, how about we get me out of here? That sounds like a better plan."

 

"I'm not leaving without Lexa."

 

"Right. That's the girlfriend. Okay. Fine. I can work with that." Murphy stumbles suddenly, hitting the ground hard.

 

Clarke holds out a hand to help him up. "Maybe you should wait and gain strength before you think about leaving."

 

Murphy glares and forces himself up on his own. "How'd you end up here anyway? And what is this place?" They keep walking, slower than Clarke would like to go for Murphy's sake.

 

"Polis. It's the grounder capital city. I'm here as an ambassador for our people." She sighs. "It's not going as well as I'd hoped."

 

"Wait. So that dude called your girlfriend _ Heda. _ That means... holy shit, Clarke. You're dating the commander of all the grounders." They reach Clarke's room. She opens the door and gestures Murphy in. Once they're both inside, she shuts it behind them. Murphy walks over to the balcony. "By the looks of this place, you have her whipped, too.  _ Nice. _ "

 

"What about you? How did you end up here?"

 

He shrugs. "Long story. Have you heard Jaha's bullshit spiel about the City of Light yet?"

 

"No. What's that?"

 

"Some mental state where you're entirely free of pain." He plops himself down in a chair and puts his legs up on the nearest table. "I think it's bullshit, but it seems to work for Jaha. We walked to the end of the desert, then we got a boat. Then we sat on our asses on an island for 2 months. Then we got another boat. Then I decided to leave that nasty psycho behind. Then I got arrested and tortured by a nasty old fuck, and then you found me. Now, for the real question, do you have any food?"

 

"I can get some." A sharp knock sounds on the door. "Hide!" Clarke hisses at Murphy. She shoves him into her closet, then quickly crosses the room and opens the door.

 

A servant stands there. Clarke recognizes her as one of Lexa's main serving girls. She looks unusually pale. "The ambassadors have been called to an emergency meeting."

 

"I'll be right there. Oh, and can you please have someone deliver a meal to my room for after? Something big, I'm feeling hungry."

 

"Yes, Ambassador."

 

"Thank you," Clarke says. The servant leaves, and Clarke shuts the door behind her.

 

Murphy walks out and sits back down on the nearest chair. "That about your girlfriend falling on her own sword?"

 

Clarke winces. "Probably. We're going to have to talk later about how we're getting her out of here."

 

"We?"

 

"If you want to eat my food and stay in my room, you're helping me with this."

 

He shrugs. "Fair enough."

 

Clarke nods. "Hide if someone comes. Don't let anyone see you."

 

"Why?"

 

“If they see you in here, they’ll probably arrest you for stealing, and I don’t have time to tell them not to right now.”

 

He shrugs. “Fine. Whatever, princess.”

 

The nickname gives her pause. She hasn't heard that one in a while. "Might be better than  _ Wanheda. _ "

 

"Wait, who calls you the commander of death?" Murphy calls after her on her way out.

 

.:.

 

Some of Titus's blood had sprayed onto Lexa during his shooting. She hadn't noticed it at first, but now it's seeped into her clothes. It makes her feel sticky and distinctly unclean. It isn't exactly the worst of her problems, but it is a major discomfort, especially since it brings thoughts of Titus to her mind every time she thinks about it.

 

He was not altogether bad at his job. She had looked up to him quite a bit as a child. She will miss him, though she supposes that will not be a problem for very much longer.

 

Lexa knows how this process works, even though she has never seen it before. She will be burned on the same pyre as Titus, only she will be alive at the time. Until then, she is to be confined to her throne room and bedroom, with at least 5 guards on her at all times to ensure that she doesn't escape or die before her time. She will still be given her comforts, right up until they kill her. The funeral is postponed some to ensure that the commander has time to say their goodbyes; they are not cruel, after all. Lexa has about a week. She doubts Clarke will be able to find her peace in such a short time, but she will hold onto the hope.

 

Right now comes the announcement to the ambassadors. They will have time to invite some of their own people to the Conclave to see the crowning of the new  _ Heda  _ and Flamekeeper. Ascension is a momentous time. Lexa can still remember hers clearly, if not fondly.

 

The ambassadors slowly filter into the room. Lexa has eyes for none of them but Clarke. She looks concerned, and she quickly approaches Lexa. "Are you alright? What are they going to do?"

 

"I'm fine. We should start the meeting now that everyone is here. We can talk more after."

 

Clarke nods slowly and walks back to her seat.

 

Lexa holds her hands up to get their attention. They quiet near immediately. Lexa swallows and begins abruptly, "The Flamekeeper is dead."

 

That nearly sets them alight with shocked whispers. Lexa holds up a hand again. "Our funeral is a week from today at midnight. The Conclave will be directly after. I will announce this publicly tomorrow. That is all for now. You may go."

 

People linger, chatting with each other. Lexa stays seated, somewhat removed from the proceedings. Clarke approaches after a moment. She seems wary of the two guards a foot away on either side of Lexa's throne.

 

"Can we talk more privately?" she asks quietly.

 

"I'm afraid not. The guards are to attend to me at all times for the next week to ensure that I am alive and present for the ceremony." Lexa wants more time alone with Clarke, too. It is a pity.

 

"I'm not letting you die."

 

Clarke is too stubborn, too attached. Hopefully soon she will see what is necessary. "You must. I hope you can find closure."

 

Clarke silently shakes her head but seems to drop the subject. "Can I see you later?"

 

Lexa is pleasantly surprised. "Of course. You can visit me any time you like."

 

.:.

 

After everything that's happened today, Clarke isn't all that hungry, so she lets Murphy have most of the food. "So the good news is we have a week before the execution. The bad news is that Lexa is guarded at all times, and I'm not sure she's going to cooperate."

 

"I know you don't like this idea, but - "

 

"Then why are you saying it?" Clarke interrupts, pretty sure she knows what he's going to say.

 

He rolls his eyes. "If your girlfriend doesn't want to come with us, we probably shouldn't force her. Especially if it involves putting our lives in danger."

 

"You know, if I just started fighting one of the guards, Lexa would definitely jump in to protect me," Clarke muses.

 

Murphy groans. "You are so completely missing the point here."

 

Clarke glares at him, but it doesn't hold any fire. "If you want to leave on your own, feel free. I'm not leaving without Lexa."

 

"Fine. Then you definitely have to come up with a better plan."

 

" _ We _ have to come up with a better plan. I think I need to start by convincing Lexa to help." She stands up. "I'm going to go talk to her."

 

"That means I get the bed, right?" Murphy smirks. "I'm sure you'll be  _ talking _ all night."

 

Clarke rolls her eyes. "Sure. Take the bed if you want it. Don't answer the door, and don't let anyone see you."

 

"Yeah, yeah."

 

.:.

 

Lexa works on sorting her few belongings. One pile of things she thinks the next commander will find useful. One pile of things to be sold. One pile for Clarke.

 

It's a rather depressing task but entirely necessary. She wonders who would make the most use of her candles.

 

Her thought is interrupted by the doors opening. Clarke stands there, eyeing her piles with a clear unhappiness. She eyes the two guards standing at either end of her room with a frown as well. "You're sorting your things?"

 

"Yes. I have time. I will not leave it all to my successor." It had been hard for Lexa when she was newly  _ Heda _ to sort through the belongings of the beloved previous commander. She would not wish that fate on any of her nightbloods.

 

Clarke sighs quietly. Lexa can tell she's holding back. It's likely for the sake of the guards. "Can I stay here tonight?" Clarke asks. She sounds tired.

 

The request surprises Lexa, but the answer is never in doubt. "Of course."

 

It doesn't take long after that for them to retreat to the bed. It is somehow just as intimate as the last night they spent together, even though they're clothed. Clarke snuggles close to her, and Lexa allows herself to melt against Clarke. Clarke buries her face in Lexa's neck.

 

"Lexa," Clarke whispers against her neck. Lexa can feel the hot breath as much as she can hear it. "Don't react visibly to anything I'm about to say. Blink once for yes."

 

Lexa was expecting this. She blinks.

 

"Okay, so the man Titus was keeping prisoner, his name is Murphy. He's my friend, kind of. He's going to be escaping with us."

 

Lexa has no issues with Clarke taking her friend with her to Arkadia, but she doesn't appreciate that she's just an assumed part of this plan. She has already told Clarke that she is staying to see through this sentence.

 

"We should probably go sooner rather than later. Do you think the day after tomorrow is enough time?"

 

The problem with the code Clarke has given her is that there isn't actually a way to say no. Lexa manages to keep herself from blinking for about ten seconds before Clarke adds, "Blink twice for no."

 

Gratefully, Lexa blinks twice. She can feel Clarke's chuckle and is slightly offended by it. How was she supposed to know this arbitrary  _ Skaikru _ code?

 

"You're still on about how you're going to die here, aren't you." It's not quite said like a question, but Lexa blinks once anyway.

 

Clarke groans quietly. "What good would it do, dying here? Who would it help?" It is their way, their tradition. It would make Titus happy, to see her doing this one thing right. And she deserves it, since his death is her fault. But all that is hard to convey in this blink system, so she says nothing.

 

"Well, do you really think it would do any good?" The question is still too complicated. Sometimes good isn't a concrete thing. Maybe it would do good for Lexa.

 

Besides, even if she left with Clarke, who would she be? Not  _ Heda _ , not even a woman who honors her people. A  _ natrona _ and worse. Doesn't she deserve an honorable death?

 

"I'm not giving up on you yet," Clarke whispers, then shifts into a more comfortable position that will not make talking as easy.

 

It is a sweet sentiment, but Lexa does not want it. It would be better if Clarke would just accept her death and honor her choice.

 

.:.

 

"I'm sure she'll come around. She didn't even have an answer for me when I asked her what good her death would do. I'm getting through to her."

 

Murphy grunts. "Is there anything fun to do around here? I'm bored."

 

Clarke shrugs. "I guess I could borrow some of Lexa's books."

 

"Of course you would think that's fun," he grumbles. "I'm seriously considering leaving without you. You're going to wait till the last possible second to save your girlfriend, aren't you?"

 

"I'm trying my best! She's stubborn. I know she's gonna come with us, though. You can go wander around the city some in the meantime if you want."

 

"Oh, thanks, I was starting to think you were keeping me prisoner too."

 

"Nah, just don't get caught alone in my room or you might get arrested again. They don't much like thieves here."

 

"There is literally nothing here worth stealing ." Murphy plops himself down in the comfy chair and drapes his legs across the nearest piece of furniture. "This is the most impersonal room ever. You clearly haven't spent a full hour here since you got here."

 

"That's not even true," Clarke mutters.

 

"Yeah, whatever. I'll stay with you, but only because you've got a sweet room and lots of free food. Now why don't you go tell your nice servants that this is my place now? Pretty please." He shoots her a sarcastic, toothy smile.

 

Clarke considers it for a moment. "Oh, why not? But you have to help me escape with Lexa." Strength in numbers and all. She'll take every advantage she can get.

 

"Sure. Now go," he makes a shooing motion with his hand.

 

"You still want the books?"

 

He snorts and throws a pillow at her.

 

.:.

 

Lexa rarely addresses the people as a whole directly. Gossip is a powerful force, and normally, civilians are better off left ignorant about some military measures. But this they must hear from the source, and so the market square is flooded with people for an entirely different reason from normal.

 

Her workers walk about getting everyone quiet and attentive. It is a difficult task that takes a good few minutes. Once they are quiet enough for Lexa to be heard, she begins. "The Flamekeeper is dead!"

 

Her workers' hard earned quiet is disrupted immediately. Chatter spreads across her people. It takes another minute to get them quieted down. "You all know what this means. Our funeral will be in 6 days at midnight."

 

Now people are starting to get somewhat out of hand. One side is yelling something Lexa can't quite understand, and the other is talking more quietly amongst themselves. One group of elders seems to mostly be expressing approval. The rest of the crowd seems very upset.

 

Lexa can make out a few words of the chant, " _ Heda _ " and " _ wamplei _ " and " _ gonplei, _ " but the rest is still difficult to understand. It's touching to see them get mad over this. It's a good reminder that not all her people disagree with her stances. Unfortunately, it can change nothing. She cannot stay  _ Heda,  _ no matter how much they want it, and if she is not  _ Heda, _ then who is she?

 

Eventually, her guards help her make her way out of the crowd and back to the tower. It's quieter here, but Lexa finds herself missing the yells. They were clearly in her defense, and she appreciates that.

 

There is a soft knock on the door. It must be Clarke again. "Let her in," she tells her guards.

 

But it isn't Clarke's voice that she hears. " _ Heda _ ?"

 

Aden. Lexa turns to face him. "Yes?" He doesn't come to her directly without being summoned unless it's important.

 

"You really have to die?"

 

Lexa softens. he is young. He has seen little death. "My time as commander soon comes to an end. There is only one way to stop being commander."

 

"The people in the streets are saying it should be otherwise. Laws can change."

 

"That is a good thing to keep in mind." Lexa sighs. "Either way, the conclave begins soon. You should focus on preparing." Maybe he does have a point. She will listen better to Clarke's proposals tonight on his behalf.

 

He nods. "I have been."

 

"I will give a lesson this afternoon." She hadn't yesterday because of everything that was happening, but it's important she can keep up their education now. She hasn't been nearly specific enough in her teachings about the Conclave. "You all must know what to expect at the Conclave. They must choose a Flamekeeper first, so you have a bit of time." They do, but she doesn't, so she will teach them now.

 

He nods again, looking at her hopefully after her non-answer. Lexa hopes he wins the Conclave. She has grown attached to this one.

 

.:.

 

That night, Lexa snuggles against Clarke, cuddling her to what Clarke thinks is definitely an adorable degree. She's also wrapped around Clarke in a way that would make it very difficult for Clarke to whisper to her without being seen, which might be intentional. The guards still steal away the intimacy of this moment and make it awkward, but Clarke can live with it for the night.

 

When Clarke is almost asleep, she's woken by a soft whisper near her ear. She blinks open her eyes slowly, looking at Lexa.

 

Lexa repeats, "I'm willing to consider leaving with you. But we must come up with a plan."

 

Clarke turns her head slightly so that she can whisper to Lexa more effectively. "We punch your guards a little. Then we run. How's that?"

 

Lexa makes a tiny huff of laughter. "No. I will be hunted. Where would we go?"

 

Clarke pauses to think about it for a second. "Arkadia?" Lexa would be far from welcome there, especially with Pike still in charge, but maybe Clarke could find someplace to hide her there or close by temporarily.

 

"No," Lexa says at once. "They would tear it apart looking for me. It would disrupt any chances of keeping our peace."

 

Right. Hunted. "Who's hunting you?"

 

"The soldiers and bounty hunters of the 12 clans."

 

Clarke almost groans. That's got to amount to a lot of people. "We could get a headstart. You have friends you could stay with, right?" Clarke hasn't seen anyone here that she thinks Lexa would consider a friend, but she has to have at least some trusted acquaintances.

 

Lexa seems to think about it for a few seconds, then says, "Not really. No one I could trust to house me for more than a few days."

 

"Okay. But you can survive in nature. You're good at hunting and all that, right?"

 

"Yes. But I would be vulnerable to attack, and they would search the woods first. I would rather die now honorably than be killed later as a traitor."

 

She maybe has a few points there. That doesn't mean Clarke likes it. "Look, can we talk about this later with Murphy? Would you be able to get rid of your guards for a few minutes?"

 

Lexa pauses, then whispers "Maybe" in a thoughtful tone.

 

"Good." Clarke relaxes a bit. At least she's trying now. It had scared Clarke a bit when she wasn't. "Now let's get some sleep."

 

.:.

 

Lexa manages to convince her guards to wait outside Clarke's room. Their real purpose staying so close is less to make sure she doesn't try to run as it is to ensure she doesn't end her own life before her time. It has been a necessary precaution since the last  _ Heda _ of the previous Flamekeeper jumped 70 stories off a balcony to avoid being burned alive. They are more than assured enough that Clarke wouldn't let her hurt herself. Once they check that the balcony door is locked, they are willing enough to give them a bit of alone time.

 

Lexa settles herself on a couch near Clarke's friend's chair. He drapes himself across the furniture leisurely. His face is scratched up. His face is twisted into a small smirk. "You must be Murphy."

 

"You must be Lexa. Clarke keeps talking about you." Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

"You have a plan yet?" Clarke asks him, sounding a bit annoyed. She sits next to Lexa on the couch, closer than she needs to. Lexa places her hand over Clarke's, and they share a small smile.

 

"First we beat up the guards. Then we make a break for it."

 

Lexa chuckles lightly. "Funny, Clarke said the same thing. We need to plan beyond the next ten minutes."

 

He frowns. "Wait, we're escaping now? I already ordered lunch!"

 

"Do you have anywhere that Lexa could safely hide for a while?" Clarke asks, ignoring him completely.

 

He squints. "Maybe. Might even still have a boat."

 

Lexa wonders where he could have gotten a boat. The  _ Skaikru _ are not assimilated into their economy so much that they could have bought a large vehicle. She doesn't really want to make a stolen boat that may or may not still be there her getaway vehicle, but it is the best idea they have so far. She is more than willing to make do. "That would be nice."

 

He groans. "Do I really have to take her with me? I have a girlfriend of my own, you know. Probably. If I can find her." He sighs.

 

"I could compensate you for your kindness," Lexa offers.

 

Murphy immediately perks up. "Now we're talking. I like the way your girlfriend thinks, Clarke." Lexa frowns at the unfamiliar term, but now doesn't feel like the time to ask. Perhaps it is a term of endearment.

 

"You don't have to do that," Clarke says.

 

"Let her make her own decisions," Murphy gripes back. "What kind of compensation are we talking about?"

 

"Gold coins. Would 100 be sufficient?" Lexa has plenty of money in the commander's fund. She's sure the next commander won't mind much if she dips a little. Most likely it will just be assumed as an undocumented funeral expense.

 

Murphy grins. He clearly knows the worth of Lexa's statement. "Absolutely. But I want it paid up front, you hear? No funny business."

 

"I will pay you when I am safely out of reach of my men and not a moment before. If you intend to go through with this plan, then that should not be a problem," she states simply.

 

He considers for a second, then seems to decide that the reward is worth it. "Yeah, alright."

 

"I will need time to collect the gold. You may eat your lunch."

 

"This day just keeps getting better and better."

 

"Could we leave this evening?" Clarke suggests.

 

"Yes," Lexa responds.

 

"Yeah, sure," Murphy answers.

 

"Great." Clarke looks at Lexa. "I'm assuming you know a good way out."

 

She nods. "We will have horses and be fast on our way before they can even realize we're gone."

 

Lexa can't decide whether she's happy about all this or not. She is happy to make Clarke happy, to challenge tradition. But her future is more of a mystery than it has ever been, and she doesn't know what to do with that.

 

.:.

 

The plan is in motion. Clarke is restless waiting for the real part to start. Lexa has just withdrawn the money, and she puts it in a bag. She takes things mostly from one pile and puts those in the bag, too.

 

"Who are the piles for?" Clarke asks.

 

"That one is things that the next commander will use," Lexa says, gesturing toward the pile on the far left, which she has removed nothing from. It is the biggest of the piles by far. Clarke understands. That one is  _ Heda. _ The rest are Lexa.

 

The one to the left of that one is the smallest. "This one is the objects that would be burned with me." Clarke notices some clothes, including the red sash and a few things that Clarke supposes are personal trinkets. Lexa gestures to the next pile. “This one is things to be sold.” She moves her hand toward the final one. "This one would have gone to you."

 

Clarke smiles, then stands and walks over to the pile. She sees books, candles, small keepsakes from their time together in Polis, and what looks like a handwritten note from Lexa in the center. Clarke runs a finger over the paper. "May I?"

 

Lexa blushes. "My written English isn't very good. Better I just tell you. Or show you?" 

 

Her voice is so hesitant and questioning and adorable. Clarke spares her the awkwardness and kisses her. There is gentle slowness there this time that they could not have last time because of the time limits. Clarke loses herself in the intimate tenderness.

 

.:.

 

Lexa dresses quickly in casual clothes and grabs a few knives. There is no room for her sword, so she will have to make due without. It would be suspicious to be seen with such a nice weapon, anyway.

 

She takes a quick look at Clarke. "Ready?"

 

Clarke nods. "When you are."

 

Lexa doesn't want to hurt her guards for doing their job, but she knows that if she leaves them uninjured, they will be punished more harshly for allowing her to escape. However, she refuses to kill them unless it's completely necessary.

 

Clarke has managed to procure three syringes of sedative, not enough for all of the guards, but it can take out a three of five, at which point they'll be on fairly even ground. And with Murphy surprising them from the rear, they should have a very good chance.

 

Lexa takes two of the syringes and opens the door. She immediately grabs a tall guard from behind and sticks the syringe into his throat, then presses the plunger. He collapses almost immediately. Clarke is struggling more with the man she has chosen. Lexa cannot help just now because two more guards have chosen her to subdue.

 

Murphy chooses that moment to come up behind them. He slams something into the head of one of the guards attacking Lexa. Lexa winces in sympathy, then continues fighting the next one. She manages to get close enough to stick him with the syringe. The remaining two guards are going after Clarke now, but with Murphy on her side, they seem to be almost holding even, until one of them manages to knock Clarke over.

 

Lexa grabs her dagger and approaches quickly, moving in front of Clarke. Clarke scrambles to her feet in the time that Lexa has bought her, then manages to sneak up behind the guard and give him the last syringe full of sedative. He collapses. The last guard sees that they're all coming after him and runs.

 

That is unfortunate. "He will tell someone," Lexa says. "We must go quickly. We have just lost our headstart."

 

They manage to make the journey to the stables without incident, luckily. Lexa begins immediately saddling her horse. Once she's done, she helps Clarke and Murphy with theirs.

 

Clarke and Lexa ride close to each other, Murphy a few feet behind them.

 

The ride is mostly silent. There is little to say, and words will get lost in the wind as they ride quickly, trying to keep their headstart. It is only a day and a half's journey from Polis to Arkadia if they ride all the way through, and Lexa plans to. None of them have slept, but the adrenaline will hopefully be enough to keep them going.

 

The tracks will be obvious to anyone with half a brain. Horses are not particularly subtle. At least it hasn’t rained in a few weeks, so their tracks aren’t made too obvious with mud. They need to devise a plan so that Lexa and Murphy will not be followed. All Lexa can come up with is a plan that hinges on the boat, which Murphy still is unsure about.

 

The current plan is that Lexa and Murphy will accompany Clarke until they are only a few miles from the blockade, at which point they will split off, likely on foot after a while so they can cover their tracks better. Murphy's girlfriend and their boat should not be especially far from there, if what he's saying is true.

 

Well, if it isn't, Lexa supposes they could buy a new boat with the money she still carries. She has promised it to Murphy once she is safely stowed away on his ship; if he has no ship, he doesn't need all the money.

 

Eventually, they come to the end of Clarke's journey. They stop their horses. "I guess this is goodbye," Clarke says. It hangs in the air between them.

 

There are many things Lexa wants to say. But she doesn't want to make Clarke uncomfortable or tarnish these good memories. "I suppose it is," she answers.

 

Clarke holds out a hand, and Lexa takes it. "May we meet again," Lexa says.

 

Clarke smiles. "We will."

 

There is more to say here, more to do, but it catches in Lexa's throat. She is a coward.

 

Clarke bridges the gap between them and kisses Lexa, a gentle, chaste brush of their lips. It is a difficult feat to balance still on the horses, but they make do. They linger close to each other after the kisses. Clarke whispers against Lexa's cheek, " _ Ai hod yu in. _ "

 

Lexa's breath catches. Those words are everything she has ever wanted. "I love you too," she returns quickly. Her face breaks into a wide grin.

 

Clarke returns the grin. "I'll see you as soon as we can, okay? I'll find you once things have calmed down here."

 

Lexa nods. "I look forward to it."

 

Murphy clears his throat awkwardly. "Not to interrupt, but - "

 

"Yeah, yeah, we're done. Calm down," Clarke says. The moment is over. Clarke dismounts.

 

Murphy kicks his horse into a walk. "We should get going."

  
Lexa sighs. "You are right." She finally tears her eyes away from Clarke and looks at him. Then she starts her horse on the path forward, only allowing herself a single look over her shoulder at Clarke.


End file.
